Blond Dirtbag Josh Hartnett Continued

 

A few weeks ago I shared a couple of photos with you of Blond Dirtbag Josh hartnett in the forthcoming action film Fight or Flight -- well now there's a trailer! I am going to send you over to Pajiba to watch it since they're the ones who alerted me to this news. They also say we don't have a release date for this yet -- BOO! Get on Blond Dirtbag Josh Hartnett, U.S. Studios! Or I will do it for you! (Okay let me do it for you. I want to do it for you.) 

Robert Eggers' "Fresh Hell"

Oh! One other cool thing happened over the holiday that I'd totally forgotten -- it happened after all on the 23rd, right at the start of my time off, so I can be excused. And yes this is some self-love (nee obsession) but so be it -- I got quoted in a Nosferatu trailer! It's a millisecond quote in a Facebook trailer but whatever -- and I know some people think it's gauche to care about blurb-whoring but I hope I never lose this thrill I feel about it. It always makes me feel like I'm patting Lil' Me on the head and saying, "Hey kid, you obsession with movies in place of 'having friends' will one day reap some okay benefits." And I never write my reviews -- read my Nosferatu review here -- with blurbs in mind, peppering adjectives about like M&Ms for the P.R. E.T.s to follow. I am always shocked when they're able to pull something from my rambling twaddle. But I really wanted to get into a Nosferatu trailer since it's my beloved Robert Eggers and I loved this movie so much. This one made me super giddy. Here's the clip (forewarning it's terrible quality since I had to record it off of Facebook):

The Year In Queer

I did very little work over my break -- we're talking very, very little -- but I did accomplish one thing of which I am very proud! Click on over to Pajiba to read my list of The 10 Hottest Queerest Scenes in 2024's Movies. I got to go deep -- well ankle-deep anyway, as they're blurbs -- on some moments in my favorite movies of the year that I haven't heard much discussion of. I was especially happy how I managed to get the year's most hetero movie Babygirl onto the list! 

Tom Holland Eighteen Times

Tom Holland! Ringing in the New Year like a mofo! This photoshoot from Men's Health had been teased all holiday weekend (week? I don't know what day it is) with grainy quality copies popping up on social media but now we've got the real hi-res deal and that little bout of edging was worth it -- click these individual photos and hoo boy do they embiggen. It's like you can lick each ab (and why wouldn't you want to?) Someone said they thought this new shredded body is probably for his role in Christopher Nolan's next movie -- his over-the-break announced adaptation of The Odyssey -- and that makes sense to me...

... although I did say in reply that every actor is expected to have a ridiculous body like this right now, so it's probably also (and mainly) that. Not that I am complaining! I am well passed the point of personally murdering myself for unreasonable body expectations so I can just happily look on. Be healthy, kids! Et cetera. Tom's got fifty people sculpting those abdominals for him. For us! (And being Zendaya's arm candy isn't a part-time job either.) Okay I have done my New Years responsible person due diligence -- now let's hit the jump for it...

Good Morning, 2025

Happy New Year to one and all -- New Years being my least favorite holiday of them all so consider there a little bit of a Grinch-esque grumble inflection at the end. Still if actor Dino Fetscher wants to ring 2025 in by doinbg a wild man dance in a speedo in the rain I am not gonna grumble too bad. In all seriousness -- hello! This year ahead (and the three that follow it) terrifies me but let's try to get through it together.

Merry Whatever

Hope your halls are getting decked good this season!

Well that's that for 2024! A terrifying statement to make for anybody who can see what 2025 will likely hold, given the political situation here and plenty of places abroad. But since I unfortunately cannot self-immolate at will, we'll just have to ride the waves as they come, I'm afraid. It's hard to be optimistic! But we've got the safe space of MNPP, we've got gifs of Keanu Reeves being queeny -- I'm doing my part. In all seriousness I'm going to continue to try to focus on putting some goofiness and beefcake out into the world -- if some fatalism creeps in so be it, but we'll play with our instruments as the ship sinks dammit. This is our prerogative. Flutes for everybody.

If y'all are feeling generous in return, feel free to unload a donation to MNPP here or over in the right-hand column -- note I have added a subscription button so you can donate some bucks monthly if you see fit! And I know we're boycotting Amazon right now because Jeff Bezos (like every billionaire alive) is a fuckwit piece of shit, but here is our Amazon Associates link since it's one of the few options I have to make money off this site since Google removed advertising because they didn't like all the beautiful bums I was sharing with you. HOW DARE THEY. Anyway I pledge to use those Amazon pennies to help bring down the billionaires in the forthcoming class war or whatever. One bare bum at a time, if that's what it takes! Oh and also I'll remind you that you can also buy my awesome shit on eBay! I have heaps of movie stuff listed over there -- blu-rays, vinyl, etc -- and I'll probably spend a chunk of my vacation time listing more. 

Okay enough with the clanging of the begging bells. Follow me on my socials if you don't already and y'all have a great rest-of-2024 -- we'll see you next year. (January 2nd to be precise.) 

Happy Nosferatu Day!

Robert Eggers' Nosferatu is out in theaters today! Go see it -- here is my review! It's an icy gothic treat -- I've seen it four times now and I personally love it more with every watch. They saved this story in their PR push for right up to the end but above you'll see a photo of Nicholas Hoult with a framed Nosferatu prosthetic penis (with a closer shot of the rotted junk below) -- read the backstory over here. It's the perfect note to end this perverted movie's press on and riddle with your holiday with syphilitic cheer! Merry merry!

The 2024 Movies Says Pajiba

My own personal list is still awhile off but today the team over at Pajiba (which yes includes me) revealed our communal Top 10 Movies of 2024 list -- click here to read them! Several of the entries are movies I reviewed so there are links to my reviews therein. A couple of the movies will also be making my own list I think, nut I haven't finalized that quite yet -- even better there's only one entry on the list I'm not a fan of. Anybody got a guess? I haven't been coy about it but nobody can pay attention to all of my bullshit. And I bet you Nosferatu -- which happily did make the list -- would've made it even higher on it if our entire team had been able to see it. Its Christmas release cut it off from a lot of folks voting. Anyway we did good, we rock, et cetera.

W&G: Vengeance Most Fowl in 150 Words

Unqualified utter perfection. I could leave this review right there, honestly. Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl is another jewel in the Aardman Animation crown. As good as any of the four previous W&G shorts or the one previous W&G movie The Curse of the Were-Rabbit (aka "The Complete Cracking Collection" as they call it) -- I'd say I wished I was a kid so these movies could be formative but they make me feel like a kid and reform me in their image anyway. If you spend the entire holiday break watching this new movie over and over again on Netflix I would not, could not, blame you. It's absolute and total buck-tooth-to-stub-toe delight start to finish. The only complaint is obviously we all wish Nick Park could churn these perfections out faster, but I'll take the slow turnover rate when these illustrious homeruns are knocked out every time. Cinema!

Steven Yeun Twenty Times

These GQ "Men of the Year" lists have been a real godsend -- it seems like every edition of GQ around the world has been doing their own lists and so we've gotten big photoshoots of several actors we're always here for big photoshoots of over the past few weeks. Harris Dickinson for the UK last week, and just yesterday there was The Sympathizer star Hoa Xuande for GQ Austrailia. But one I've had my eyes on for several days and finally managed to gather enough images up from is Steven Yeun, who's featured in GQ Korea's issue...

... and no I don't get why he can't cover our American edition either since he's American but I'll just put that out there and not dive into it too much lest I spoil our fun. Mostly I'm just annoyed because Korean magazines are really aggressive about their watermarks so I had to leave the big distracting GQ on several images below. But anyway I did finally manage to scrounge up a batch of photos from several different sources and I've got 'em after the jump... 

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Edward Bluemel

Well if you're reading this (and you also read my post last night) then you know -- I'm a fool! To be factual a lot of people who aren't reading this know I'm a fool as well but I'm talking to you now. Point being I jumped the gun last night thinking I might have today off -- nope, I'm here. But my loss is your gain because I'm now sitting here at my desk with literally nothing to do for the next eight or so hours except barf up my every whim onto this here website. Starting with these photos of My Lady Jane and Killing Eve actor Edward Bluemel for Wonderland magazine. Twas Eve where I first caught Eddy's eye -- and then twas Jane where I first caught Eddy's arse. (And what an arse it is.) And it's been love ever since. Hit the jump for this somewhat substantial-ish photoshoot...

Alessandro I Want For Chistmas...

Because he has three yes count them three movies out in theaters now -- Kraven the Hunter came out last week (read my quick thoughts here) while Brady Corbet's The Brutalist (read my review here) and Pedro Almodovar's The Room Next Door (wonderful but not reviewed by me) are both out now -- we have been blessed with not just one but two count them two photoshoots of Alessandro Nivola this week! This first one is for Sharp magazine and there's a chat with him at that link as well; the same goes for Anthem magazine, and you'll see those photos down below. Before that though, an aside -- there's a chance this post will be our last until the holidays are upon us, happening, and then history. Which is to say I'm not sure if I'll be online tomorrow and after that I'm definitely off until January 2nd of the year 2025. If that's not the case I suppose you'll know when I start rambling on here tomorrow. But if not -- Happy Holidays, everyone! And consider this collection o' Nivola my gifts to you, right on after the jump...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Road House (2024)

Dalton: You know that conchs produce pearls?

Ellie: Yes.

Dalton: And that they have ornate spiral...

Ellie: Shells. Yes, everyone knows that.

Dalton: That one in every 15,000 produces a pink pearl. 

Ellie: Sounds romantic. Unless you're a conch. 

Because what actually happens is the conch gets a bit 

of grit inside its shell, which causes extreme irritation.

Dalton: "Extreme irritation"... that leads 

to something beautiful. How is that not romantic?

Okay I don't want to encourage the Road House remake too much because I really didn't love it, but I will admit that the last time I was home visiting friends I somehow ended up re-watching it and it washed over me with less spite a second time. I'm now of the mind that it's more harmless than anything -- but still give the esteem the original holds as far as being a perfect piece of trash cinema, "harmless" isn't cutting anybody's mustard. But here on our Jake's 44th birthday as we wish him a very happy day we'll allow it. And if nothing else...

... Jake knew well enough to not skimp on the exploitation and to stay properly half-naked for most of the movie. He's a good boy. Have you seen this video of his hot ass practising an action scene? I only just caught this one last week:

I will be watching the sequel. 

Happy birthday, Jake!

Quote of the Day

There is a chat with director Luca Guadagnino and writer Justin Kuritzkes in Dazed magazine right now (thx Mac) about their latest colaboration Queer (the William S. Burroughs adaptation out in theaters now that I reviewed right here) and besides it containing several images from that film's set that I adore -- that one of him in a Carrie t-shirt above is going straight onto my mood board -- it's also got several bits of information I really enjoyed reading. Luca talks about why there's so much Nirvana in the film, and he also admits that Twin Peaks was an influence on it (but refuses to elaborate further). But it's the bit at the end that has nothing to do with Queer that has me the most excited -- and if you've seen my hemming and hawing then you know it's not about his possible American Psycho remake. 

No it's about An Even Bigger Splash, his long-gestating longer cut of his already divine 2015 film A Bigger Splash, which stars Tilda Swinton, Matthias Schoenaerts, Dakota Johnson, and Ralph Fiennes. Luca has been mentioning this was a thing on his mind for awhile, and bless this interviewer for getting a very brief but important update:

 "Yes, for sure. 100 per cent. We’re finalising it."

Supposedly this cut has a full seventy more minutes! I don't know whether this is a good idea or not either, but Luca always proves my doubts wrong so you'd think I'd have learned my lesson at this point. And even if it does prove to be too much of a good thing -- am I going to complain about seventy more minutes of a movie where the godline Matthias Schoenaerts runs around in itty bitty shorts looking like a fucking sculpture? I don't think so. In summation here is a new photo that dropped online this week from the set of Luca's other 2024 film Challengers, with him in a spot where so many of us would love to be -- half-straddled by Mike Faist in his tennis gear:

Welcome to Michael Fassbender's Spy Era

I don't know what I was doing on Wednesday when this dropped that I didn't post about it -- that was even the day I shared with you Michael Fassbender in next to nothing on a spy show! But the first official image and the trailer for Black Bag -- Steven Soderbergh's spy thriller starring Fassy, Cate Blanchett, Naomie Harris (god I love Naomie Harris), Regé-Jean Page (hopefully he and Michael will make out), and oh right Mr. Bond, aka Pierce Brosnan himself -- all dropped that day so here is me catching up with that. Fassbender has done "spy thriller with Steven Soderbergh" before, having starred in the best scene in the director's 2011 actioner Haywire, but this looks like a very different beast (the "beast" being that asshole Gina Carano, natch -- good riddance to her). It's basically Mr. & Mrs. Smith just slightly more serious? I was going to say that it starred actors not movie stars but that shortchanges Fassbender & Blanchett on the movie star front as well as short changing Pitt & Jolie on the acting front so nevermind... but it's sort of that.

Anyway Black Bag is out on March 14th. 

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

The Superman Trailer Made Me Cry

It's true! Three times now! I watched it on my commute this morning and it had me blubbering like an infant on the train. I have no idea if James Gunn will land this when we see the full movie -- July 11th, 2025! Right in time for my birthday! -- but in the two-ish minutes of this trailer he filled me with a sense of Hope like no Superman movie has done since Christopher Reeve. And I don't mean hope for the movie -- hope that it will be good. I mean Hope in the broad, "hope for the world and for decency and kindness" sense. 

Which is a ridiculous thing to take away from a movie trailer but that is the feeling that Superman, at his absolute best, was invented to inspire. So to capture that feeling in two minutes of trailer is something. Granted we're in dark days right now so I am weak and susceptible to emotional swings and neediness! But I've been thinking how weird it is that entertainment hasn't at least tried to ape Depression-era uplift -- maybe we're too cynical now for it. I don't know. I just know this trailer stirred me. When that little kid clutches the flag and prays Superman's name, I absolutely fucking lost my shit. Watch:

Good Morning, World

I think about Park Chan-wook's series The Sympathizer a lot because everything that wasn't Robert Downey Jr. related was so great! I know this floats against the general consensus -- RDJ got the only awards nominations -- but I am in the right here. And it's a damned shame that his preening nonsense dragged the whole series down -- it's the first Park Chan-Wook joint I don't feel much need to revisit. And that makes me feel especially bad for its actual leading man Hoa Xuande here, who was really excellent, and really hot, on it. Hopefully Hoa pops up in more things, but I suppose for the moment I'll just have to make due with this photoshoot of him for GQ Australia for their "Men of the Year" issue (he is Australian). And thankfully it's a hot one! Hit the jump for the rest...

One Week To Get Your Ho On!

Hope your hollies are ready to get jollied y'all.