Five Frames From ?

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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

All About My Mother (1999)

Huma: There are people who think that children are made in a day. But it takes a long time, a very long time. That's why it's so awful to see your child's blood on the ground. A stream that flows for a minute yet costs us years. When I found my son, he was lying in the middle of the street. I soaked my hands in his blood and I licked them. Because it was mine. Animals lick their young, don't they? I'm not disgusted by my son. You don't know what it's like. In a monstrance of glass and topaz. I would put the earth soaked by his blood.

Rest in peace to the legend and icon and Almodóvarian goddess Marisa Paredes, who apparently just passed at the age of 78. What a loss! You could spend the remainder of 2024 watching her great films and not have enough time to finish them all. And hell that'd be a gorgeous way to ring out the year. I'm going to have to at least do a couple of the Almodóvars. I haven't seen The Flower of my Secret in a long time.

Nicholas Hoult Fourteen Times

I did a "Do Dump or Marry" post for the three main dudes in Robert Eggers' Nosferatu back on Friday and I learned one thing about each and every single one of us -- every single one of us wants to marry Nicholas Hoult. And I get it -- I am not just a member, I am President of this Fan Club. If this child actor is as well-adjusted as he seems to be then it's one of the rare times that the movie industry deserves a pat on the back -- not only did he grow up into a total swoon-eyed dreamboat and a real talent, he comes across as kind and decent; a real good egg. Who knows if it's the truth -- publicists get paid a lot of money to do what they do -- but I'm buying it right now. (And I'm supposed to be in a room with him tonight at a Nosferatu screening so I'll report back! Read my already posted review right here!) Anyway let's get back to the swoon-eyed dreamboat thing. Nicky is on the cover of Flaunt magaine this month and they took some fine snaps and you can see them after the jump...

Good Morning, World

Say good morning to the scooch heard round the world!!! When naked Michael Fassbender scooched up in bed on last week's episode of The Agency I dropped immediately dead -- it's been so long since I've beheld his world-class cum-gutters I burst into copious tears, I pulled my hair and tore my clothes, I threw open the windows and screamed obscenities into the night sky, I jumped into the Hudson River, swam to the bottom, and kissed the floor. All of those things can be true at once -- I know because I lived it. Ahem. In all seriousness -- how nice to have this back in our life! I might be slightly bored by The Agency -- I prefer my spy shows witty and diverting a la Black Doves these days to the deadly serious sort -- but I am happy it exists to bestow such gifts upon us. Hit the jump for a dozen more gif(t)s of our dearest Michael back in the skin game...

Harris Dickinson Nine Times

I didn't know why Interview Magazine paired Harris Dickinson with Sam Rockwell as his interviewer for the new interview they dropped today until they mentioned they were in the 2022 caper comedy See How They Run together -- I never saw that. Did any of you see it? Is it worth seeing? Anyway these photos of Harris are worth seeing as ever (Sam calls him "the British Brad Pitt" and yeesh get a room you two) so hit the jump and see them all...

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, World

Cheyenne Jackson wishes you and yours a good Monday.

Do Dump or Marry: The Nosfera-Dudes

Director Robert Eggers' magnificent new take on Nosferatu premiered in Los Angeles last evening and all the goth hotties were on hand (including that other Skarsgard buddying up to his Northman director). But most importantly these three hunks knew well enough to get some photos together at the after-party, because they are smart and kind. And if you're white-guy-blind they are Nicholas Hoult, Bill Skarsgård, and Aaron Taylor-Johnson. And even if the movie isn't out for a couple of weeks this still seems like a good moment since we have them here to ask our perrenial "Do Dump or Marry" query! Pick one actor to have a single night of passionate embrace with, one actor to drive a stake through the center of, and one to swap blood with to share a darkly romantic eternity together -- in the comments please and thanks! (And then go read my review of the movie over at Pajiba, also please and thank you.) Nosferatu hits theaters on Christmas Day! And yes even better it is in text a Christmas movie! New yule classic y'all!

Kaiju Criterion Attack!

The sound that emitted from the depths of my soul when I opened this afternoon's email from Criterion about the March 2025 new releases and the first thing I saw was the 1989 classic kaiju delight Godzilla vs. Biollante! This is one of the greatest of Godzilla movies that aren't you know the first one or the most recent one -- it is very very silly but the part-plant part-Godzilla part-human genetic hybrid Biollante as a monster is my all-time number two after my childhood and forever fave Ghidorah. Biollante is a baller and director Kazuki Omori shoots the hell out of this movie. It is so much fun. And this disc appears to be loaded with extras -- not to mention it's a 4K upgrade! Quickest purchase ever! Pre-order it right here -- this one is out on March 18th.

But my baby Biollante is just scratching the surface of March's drops -- there is also Arthur Penn's 1975 classic Night Moves with Gene Hackman (pre-order it here) and Alan Rudolph's 19854 erotic drama Choose Me (pre-order that here) -- I can only vouch for Night Moves since that's the only one I have seen (and it's very good with one of Hackman's best performances) but Rudolph's film sounds fascinating and stars Geneviève Bujold and Lesley Ann Warren, two of my faves from that time period. Looking forward to checking it out. 

And then more more more! Charlie Chaplin's A Woman of Paris (pre-order it here), Henri-Georges Clouzot's action classic The Wages of Fear -- which was remade as William Friedkin's equally awesome Sorcerer -- (pre-order it here), and then a 4K upgrade of Michael Mann's Thief (pre-order it here), which is... well more everyone else's taste than mine, but then that's true with most Mann movies. (Except Manhunter -- Manhunter is perfect.) That's one hell of a line-up for our favorite house of physical media come March! But it could just be Godzilla vs Biollante and I'd be dancing in the streets, if I'm being honest. F'ing amazing!

Barry Keoghan Thirteen Times

I've been sitting on my thumbs (I didn't say this was a negative experience) waiting for Arena Homme magazine to drop more of their Barry Keoghan photoshoot that they've been baiting us with for a couple of weeks -- well I think I might have most of it now thanks to the photographers on Instagram (via) and PS these are the same dudes who gave us that immortal Arena shoot of Jamie Dornan, which I like thinking about or mentioning whenever I can. Anyway if more do pop up (like if Arena ever posts the article online) I will update this post with them. But it's another scorcher from our Barry boy so hit the jump and singe your fingertips on these...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

 Today I'd rather be...

... smacking into the weekend with Parker Young.

I am so happy it's Friday, y'all.

(And I am so happy we have Parker, too.)

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Nobody guessed this one yesterday 

so here are five more frames!

Can you guess the movie now?

Good Morning, World

A good Friday from good boy Noah Centineo.

The Critics, We Choiced

This marks my second year voting as a member of the Critics Choice Association and I long ago made peace -- well before I even became a member -- with the fact that my weird personal picks would end up falling through the cracks of a general consensus and not get much representation in the final tallies. It's just par for the course with this type of thing. That's what I have my personal awards for, and uhhh hopefully some time I'll get to those. But today what I have to share with you are the Critics Choice nominations! And there are a few things I voted for up in here -- you can be sure that any nominations for Hard Truths, Nosferatu, The Substance, the two Guadagninos were among my votes -- and that makes me happy. I will glom my hopes onto them. Oh and as a sidenote -- I am planning on going to Los Angeles for the ceremony this year! So stay tuned for coverage from that! Exciting star-fuckery ahead! Okay now let's hit the jump and see the entire list of nominations...

Pics of the Day

It has come to my attention that Josh Hartnett has gone dirtbag blond for his next role as a kick-ass mercenary in a movie called Fight or Flight, and I am going to need to take a moment, or ten. I am going to have to, what's the phrase, hold some space with this. And then there is the matter of the strawberry tee, which is somehow taking it that extra mile? Okay let's just say this is a look I am into and leave it at that. There's been a lot of open salivating this early in the morning and I haven't even finished my coffee yet. Fight or Flight is from a TV director (this will be his first film) and Josh is by far the biggest name in the cast so I have no idea if this will live up to That Look (a lot to live up to!) but I will be there to watch the minute I can to find out. Hit the jump for one more photo of this sexy sleazebag spectacle...

Good Morning, Jonny

Jonny Bailey is in British Vogue right now looking like, well, that -- I know some people feel like our beautiful boy is a little overexposed at the moment, but even if he wasn't literally half-naked there I would have to respectfully disagree; the romantic lead of a as-of-this-moment half-billion dollar box-office success is an openly gay man and we gotta strike while the iron's hot. Get his name and face and everything lodged in the public's consciousness and begging for more. No matter my thoughts on Wicked itself this could be an actually important footprint for the movie to leave. And the Jurassic Park sequel next year will hopefully be the next step. I doubt the general moviegoer knows his name yet -- my mother, my gauge for this sort of thing, definitely does not know his name yet. So go on and flood the market while your simultaneously flooding my jockey shorts, Mr. Bailey. I will keep on cheering. ETA a couple more images have surfaced so hit the jump for them...

Kraven the Hunter in 450 Words or Less

You know that scene in the fourth Indiana Jones movie where Indiana finds himself inside the fake small town in the middle of the desert and realizes all of the families therein are mannequins and the fruit is plastic and it's really just a staged world that the military has set up in order to drop a nuke on? Sometimes I wonder if we sneaked past the security guards and got into the offices of Sony Pictures if it might not be just like that. Nothing but cardboard walls and doors that open onto bricks. Because it boggles the mind that there could actually be human beings behind the decisions they keep making for their superhero movies. They feel like the "monkeys with typewriters" scenario brought to life, or perhaps a league of Coneheads pretending to be Earth people but getting each step just a hair off, one after another, until a smorgasboard of gibberish spills out its ass-end. This is textbook Bad Movie behavior.

But that doesn't mean there's not a good helping of true WTF fun to be had out of Kraven the Hunter anyway. Yes, Sony's latest and opposite-of-greatest stab at the genre somehow manages to make the glory days of Madame Web feel fonder. But none of these actors are to blame. This troupe of thesps know what they're up against and dammit they keep fighting the fight, one camp whisper to another, winding through the marauding CG mayhem. Leading man slash abdominal billboard Aaron Taylor-Johnson is ultimately done in by the movie's frankensteined incoherence, but our boy tries his damndest to yank it together with every one of those big beautiful muscles of his. He does not succeed! But he's having fun most of the time, and he manages to get some of that across whenever the movie lumbers out of his way for a split second. 

But best of all -- Alessandro Nivola as the ridiculous baddie is legit great, lifting the movie unto absurdist heaven whenever he appears. (And not for nothing he looks as hot as he's ever looked on-screen, his tight white dress shirt and strappy little backpack doing the lord's work.) Nivola is a real riot, chewing every dumb line of dialogue right up, and when he does this silent scream thing about halfway into the movie it instantaneously paid for my ticket in full. (Well okay I didn't pay for a ticket thankfully, but this moment would have had I.) None of this is enough to save the movie from itself, but I wasn't angry when I left the theater. Just deeply suspicious about those Sony offices filled with outer space mannequins, is all...

Did You Know I'm Utterly Insane

Luca! Have I not supported you? Have I not praised you far and wide? Well I don't know what I have done to make Luca Guadagnino unhappy and spiteful but I feel personally attacked twice in a row now with this American Psycho remake that he's planning on making -- first with the fact that he's doing it at all since Mary Harron's 2000 film with Christian Bale is literally perfect; one of my favorite movies, period. And now comes the word (thx Mac) that he's getting one of my least favorite It Boys of the moment Austin Butler to star in it? Luca, baby, why? I've found almost everything Butler has done in the past several years of making a name for himself to be phony and try-hard -- no matter the praise they received his Elvis and his turn in Dune Part Two were both flops as far as I'm concerned. Flops! Credit where credit's due -- he was fine playing a pretty boy poseur in The Bikeriders and I liked how Quentin Tarantino used him as a blowhard in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood...

... but I'd say it's his Dune work that landed him this gig and I have no idea what anyone sees in that performance. I find it laughable. I re-watched the movie last week and I still find it laughable. He has no presence in it -- he's the least scary villain since Jared Leto dyed his hair green. I will admit that there's something to be said here about Luca casting someone who reads as a total void to me as Patrick Bateman, the ultimate void. Lord knows I owe Mr. Guadagnino the benefit of the doubt at this point! His remake of Suspiria -- another film that never should have worked but managed to become one of my favorite horror films of all time -- proved my anti-remake mindset before that to be mostly foolish. But going into that I loved all oif the actors he'd hired, and that is just not going to be the case with this if this ends up happening. When I posted the remake's announcement in October I just figured this'd go onto the director's extensive never-happening heap of projects, but this casting news makes it seem like it is really happening. Granted Ellis' book and Harron's movie are very different, and having a gay man approach the material will probably give it a different hook. Also there is the real-world angle of our political reality to mine -- the poison of the 1980s New York Finance Bro misogyny mind-set which has had some, you know, consequences. I don't know. I don't know, dammit! Why can't Luca just be nice to me?