Miguel Ángel Silvestre Fourteen Times

Well this is certainly one hell of a feast to drop on us on a Friday evening -- Miguel Ángel Silvestre has been photographed for Numero Netherlands magazine looking like a Tom of Finland dream come to life, and damned if I don't buy it! Meaning the magazine -- I will clearly go find this magazine on a magazine stand and buy myself a copy as soon as I pick myself up off the floor. 

I haven't read the interview at the link above yet, but that's just because I keep having heart palpitations every time I scroll past one of the photos. So while I go get a defibrillator to sit beside me while I try to continue on, y'all can test your own heart-health and hit the jump for all of the vein-popping pictures...

It's Too Much Monkey Business Going Down

There's a line between narrative efficiency and narrative indifference that Primate sadly crosses in the wrong direction -- I guess I'm supposed to be happy that this movie trims off all the fat of "character" and "story" and just gets down to its nasty business of a chimpanzee tearing people's faces off as quickly as possible? Maybe I just wasn't in the right mood. (Perhaps we can blame the two assholes sitting next to me playing on their phones the entire time for cutting down on my ability to have fun.) (Assholes.) 

Anyway I admit I'm a hypocrite here on some level because that's all I want from a franchise like the Final Destination movies, for example -- I'm no snob when it comes to the simple pleasures of some cinematic death spectacle. I think what differentiates Primate from the Final Destination movies is Final Destination movies are at their best just Looney Tunes with exploding melon heads -- when they get too meanspirited like the 4th film in the franchise it becomes everybody's least favorite one. 

And Primate is a mean movie. Viciously cruel. And so its wildly over-the-top violence (there's a scene with a jawbone... well I won't ruin it but my god) being inflicted onto characters that are paper-thin ciphers... it just becomes wholly unpleasant to watch. I didn't have fun with the rampaging chimp movie! It just made me feel sick.

I suppose there's another aspect to my queasiness I should admit to -- realistic Animal Attack movies have always, for my entire life, been the subgenre of horror movie that've bothered me the most. ("Realistic" being the key word -- something like Food of the Gods with giant chickens is just goofy good fun for the whole family.) But there's precedent, and maybe I should've expected this reaction. Primate, about a chimp who catches rabies, is basically just the opening scene of Nope mixed with Cujo, and Cujo was the first movie I had to exit as a kid because it freaked me out too much. Same goes for the 2014 bear attack movie Backcountry (which I've spoken about here on the site before), a movie that upset me profoundly -- I still shudder at the memory of it. So it would seem that I can take all kinds of human-on-human violence but there's something primal I can't stomach when it's animals doing the gnawing. 

Not to turn this into a therapy session -- haha too late! This entire "review" has been little more than that. But I was bitten in the face by my grandfather's doberman as a little kid. Maybe this all stems from that. Hey whaddya know -- I have finally, all these many decades into living, uncovered my trigger! I been triggered y'all! 

Anyway, Primate. I didn't enjoy it. But I don't think it deserves credit for being so exxxtreme that it triggered me either -- I've recommend Backcountry to a million people because it manages to capture an experience that feels sickeningly real. Same for Cujo, which turns into a truly sick-making spectacle of claustrophobia. Primate, for all its gnarly gore, never achieves a sense of reality or admirable verisimilitude. The deep silliness of its "infinity pool next to a cliff" setting; the fact that I couldn't tell you who any of these characters are supposed to be besides fodder for the monkey's jaws. Every character behaves astoundingly stupid at every moment. This movie is just unpleasant and dumb. Two opposable thumbs down!

Industry Ahoy!

Two days until Industry returns on HBO for its fourth season! Let's mark it with these photos mainly of actor Sagar Radia, who plays the gambling-addict / absolute prick Rishi on the show for GQ, although as seen below he's joined by several of his co-stars. Sagar looks hot in preppy! (I'm a child of the 80s and preppy-fetish will always be my thing, what can I say...) Anyway as I shared at the start of this week I binged all of Industry over the holiday so I'm now an A+ #1 fan and we'll be counting down the minutes til the premiere on 9pm Sunday night. Curious to see where life has left Rishi after that motherfucking wallop of his last scene in the third season finale. Good grief -- I know they'd taken inspiration from Uncut Gems for his storyline but I did not see that shit coming given the show had never gone there before. 

Anyway my favorite Industry thing this week has been an HBO crossover with HBO's current hot property Heated Rivalry -- have you seen the pictures and video of How Fucking Excited Industry's star Myha'la was to have Hudson Williams at her show's premiere this week? Extremely adorable footage all over the place -- I love that she loves the gay hockey show so much. Now let's just keep our fingers crossed that her show let's us experience some queerness as teased in its trailers involving Kit Harington and Max Minghella, dammit! And speaking of Kit and my preppy-fetish...

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, Mescal

It's not often that I have to actually look at the photographer for an actor's photoshoot -- either I can tell who they are because they're the usual suspects or they're boring and who cares -- but I definitely didn't reconigze the style of these absolutely stunning photos of Paul Mescal for GQ that dropped this morning. And so I looked and her name is Elizaveta Porodina and you can follow her on Instagram right here -- these look like Carravaggio painting a 1956 production of Angels in America and I am in love. I haven't read the interview yet so excuse me whilst I go do that and eat my breakfast; y'all can hit the jump for the exquisite shoot starring our exquisite Paul...

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be... 

... leaning to mount with Jonathan Bailey.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)

Baron: Go away! I'm trying to die!

Sally: Why?

Baron: Because I'm tired of the world 

and the world is evidently tired of me.

Sally: But why? Why? 

Baron: Why, why, why! Because it's all logic 

and reason now. Science, progress, laws of hydraulics, 

laws of social dynamics, laws of this, that, and the other. 

No place for three-legged cyclops in the South Seas. 

No place for cucumber trees and oceans of wine.
No place for me.

I wouldn't normally use this movie to wish Sarah Polley a happy birthday because she's been clear she had a horrible, traumatic time on its set as a kid -- but I just watched some movie over the holiday where a character on-screen was watching this movie and it really made me want to re-watch this movie, which I haven't seen in ages. Mostly because of Sarah talking about how exploited she was as a child actor on its set. But man I loved this movie back in the day and maybe I'll be able swath myself in ignorance long enough to enjoy it again? Ehh whatever -- a happy birthday to the great Sarah Polley! I hope you're working on your next directing gig! We need you.

Honey Bunches of "Oh Shit!"

Don't ever let anyone get away with saying that promotional materials don't matter anymore, because the upcoming horror movie Honey Bunch wasn't on my radar until they just dropped this killer, killer poster today -- that is a great fucking poster! I would like to know who designed that poster, and I would like to own that poster. Anyway now that the movie has my attention -- Honey Bunch is a "Genre-Bending Relationship Thriller"that sars Grace Glowicki, Ben Petrie, Jason Isaacs, and Katie Dickie -- KATE DICKIE!!! -- about a woman (Glowicki) who awakes from a coma with fragmented memories and so heads with her husband (Petrie) to a "remote facility" (is there any other kind) for "experimental treaments" (I repeat, is there any other kind) to solve her issues. Something tells me they don't work like she's anticipating! Not with Kate Dickie involved, they won't. (God we love Kate Dickie.) Anyway this movie (which is from the team behind 2020's extremely fucked up film Violation) hits Shudder on February 13th so clearly, a new Valentine's classic. Watch the trailer below:

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

HAPPY ELVISMAS, EVERYONE!!!

The King was born 91 years ago today.

Good Morning, World

Here's a fun thing I stumbled upon this week -- a 1996 Canadian T.V. movie called Giant Mine (about you guessed it a giant mine) which features our Forever Canadian Boyfriend Scott Speedman in a small, butt-baring role! Scott's been notoriously stingy when it comes to the skin so this is a true treasure. X marks the butt! The entire movie is up on YouTube in the same shitty quality as these gifs so needless to say -- I watched only the Naked Scott Speedman part. But by all means go spend the next 90 minutes of your life watching the 1996 Canadian T.V. film called Giant Mine about a giant mine Who am I to judge? The world's a shitshow, we all need all the 90-minutes-of-distractions we can get. For the rest of us just hit the jump for a couple more gifs...

Tom Blyth Ten Times

I went looking to see if there was a sexy (sexy being a given, given the subject) new photoshoot of Tom Blyth just yesterday when I posted that his gay drama Plainclothes has hit blu-ray this week -- there was not a new photo-shoot yesterday, but whaddya know there is one today! Today he's been interviewed by Bustle magazine whilst sporting a sexy lil' stache as he's got a pair of interesting projects landing in the next several weeks -- there's a rom-com called People We Meet On Vacation based on a book apparently of some popularity which lands on Netflix on Friday of this week. And then there's a prison film called Wasteman that has Tom starring opposite Industry's own David Jonsson, hitting screens in February. 

Another thing I realized yesterday while posting about Plainclothes -- Tom didn't yet have a tag here on MNPP! So that's now rectified as of this here post. Congrats, Tom -- you've made it. Anyway the choice-iest bit of the interview for me (besides the moment he spells out "C-U-M" of course) was when he said that Luca Guadagnino was such a fan of his Hunger Games movie The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes that he insisted on meeting with Tom several times, and Luca admitted he'd seen Ballad three times in theaters! I loved Ballad too but Luca has such oddball taste -- did you see his Indiewire list of 2025 favorites? All over the map. (He included The Minecraft Movie ffs.) Anyway if I had the power I'd have also demanded lunch with Tom Blyth after watching him in that movie, but unfortunately I'm not Luca Guadagnino. I mourn that fact every day! All that said you can now feel free to hit the jump for more sexy Tom stache time...

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Good Morning, World

Ransom Canyon and The Long Walk actor Garrett Wareing has proven exceptionally good at getting and holding [ed. I've got something he can hold] The Gays' attention even without a big heap of projects to flesh [ed. did somebody say flesh?] out all this attention -- drop a heap of pictures of yourself at some beach, rinse and repeat every couple of weeks. So it goes with his New Years vacation, which he seems to've spent in a constant state of undress in Hawaii, and g'bless Garrett. That said I should be seeing him in another thing soon -- he's in the new movie from Madeline's Madeline director  Josephine Decker called Chasing Summer which will be screening at Sundance in a couple oif weeks! As a great big fan of Decker's work (and Garrett's furry chest) you can believe I'll report back on that when the time's come.  Until then we'll keep our eyes on the furry prize after the jump...

Cruise This Movie

We're coming up on a year since I reviewed the movie out of Sundance -- read that review right here -- and director Carmen Emmi's wonderful and moving gay drama Plainclothes is hitting blu-ray today. Pick up your copy right here. Russell Tovey plays a cruising dude who cruises into undercover cop Tom Blyth's bathroom stall, catching his eye and all his other body parts, in 1990s Syracuse. And as I say in my review -- it sure is weird to see a period piece made about a time and a place you were a part of! Not that I was picking up Russell Toveys in the mall bathroom... unfortunately. Life would've been way easier had I been! 

Which Is Hotter?

Actor Lewis Pullman, who can currently be seen in the fantastic film The Testament of Ann Lee (playing gay no less), has a new interview in Interview Magazine -- read it here (thx Mac) -- where the nepo-stud's father and former major movie-star Bill comes up a lot. (I didn't know that Lewis was joining his dad in Spaceballs 2 actually, which is fun!) Anyway that seemed a good impetus to finally pit Dad versus Son in one of our patented polls...

online polls

Five Frames From ?

What movie is this?

Jack O'Connell Seven Times

I started this post meaning to say that I wanted to extend an olive branch to the movie Sinners, because I rewatched it this past weekend and have kinda been tearing into it on Bluesky because I think it's a fine and fun but not award-worthy movie. But apparently my wires got crossed while staring at these photos of Jack O'Connell because what I ended up typing the first time through this post was that I wanted to extend a "fig leaf" to the movie -- lol. Oh to see Jack in nothing but a fig leaf!

Not that we're at a loss for Jack in even less than that -- hell I saw him take a long, long, long nude shower on stage in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof back in the day. (Long live the theater.) Anyway -- Sinners. It's good! Ocassionally great. Some of its key performances are lacking though, and what it has to say about race feels really muddled by its end to me. And speaking of -- that third act is a mess. Incoherent at times. I mean I love to see a horror movie get praised but I think people are mistaking several magnificent elements for the full picture of the thing. Anyway, whatever. It could be worse -- it could be Weapons getting too much praise! And we're really just here to star at Jack! So hit the jump and do that then...